The anticipation will become much worse than the actual issue: not spending time together. It can also cause feelings of neglect, which creates further emotional and physical distance. Awareness that you are not spending enough time together is key, but is only the first step. If it turns out your connection is, in fact, suffering from time spent apart, don't worry: Your love isn't doom to fail just because it falters. You reject going for a drink or hanging out with your close friends … But if you're still in love, and feeling overwhelmed by other aspects of your life, work together to make time for each other. When two people can't mutually make a decision, their connection can suffer. In fact, you want to spend as little time as possible with him or her. If you and your spouse are arguing a lot, you don't feel like spending time together. If you struggle to make future plans with your partner, you're not alone. For some people, spending quality time with their partner is really important. Your relationship should still be among your top priorities, even if it's not number one. "You may spend way too much time at work — either to promote your career, or even to spend time with your friends," Dr. Brown says. Leave the office 15 minutes earlier on nights that you're grabbing dinner, or get a good night's sleep if you want to catch them for breakfast. "If quality time is more important for you, it doesn't mean there is a problem. Don't pout, nag, play the victim, or be defensive. Research has found that the more time couples spend together, the happier they are. Needing space does not necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. I don’t mean get-more-things-done-together time. Open mobile menu Knowledge is useless without action. "How do you decide which you need more of? Mentally review the past few weeks and mental take note of when you spent time with your partner. This is the reason behind most unhappy relationships. But if you come to the realization that you actually don't miss being in their presence, that's a sign that your lack of QT is becoming toxic. Despite what every rom-com will try to tell you, the world does not revolve around couples, and it's perfectly normal and healthy to have a life outside of your relationship. Dive right into catching up, and you'll remember how much fun the two of you have together. You can trust someone absolutely, and still feel like the relationship's not working the way you prefer in terms of the amount of time you spend together and the amount of information about your lives you share. Research has shown that one of the major reasons that most relationships fail is because couples do not give importance to spending enough time together. We spoke in “I” statements rather than “you” statements.We expressed how we felt rather than blaming a situation on the other person. "You can’t agree on things to do together," Dr. Brown says. Spending time with your partner may seem like the right thing to do at the beginning of your relationship, but in reality, it can be unhealthy. At the very beginning, we were both working full-time jobs with absurd hours. Whether you like to admit it or … "Some people express their love by spending quality time while others may show their feelings through touch, words of affirmation, service, or gifts," Rader explains. Here are a few tips to help: Acknowledge individual differences. If you feel like there a certain benefits you can't living to your partner, that may be a sign that theywant just not … Spending too much time together too soon blurs the line of boundaries that should be intact in the beginning. This is the reason behind most unhappy relationships. Often, choose to bite the marriage. When you encourage your partner to pursue their passions, they will be grateful to be with someone who is truly loving. But, if you're noticing signs your partner isn't spending enough time with you, or you're not spending enough time with them, it may be time to talk it over with bae. Quality relationship time is a powerful communicator of love, and it brings a unique sense of closeness and togetherness. But, on the other side of the coin, your partner still needs to feel valued. "So you don’t spend time together. We picked fights over trivial matters. ... but uses her presence as a reason not to spend time with me, yet he is happy to do Thanksgiving together. Time is a tricky beast — it truly has a way of getting away from us. Through patience, understanding, and mutual respect, we ultimately learned how to carve out a little slice of the week for each other, even if that meant just sleeping together in the same bed. Special Occasions Aren't Special. "However, as the relationship progresses you may want to start planning trips together in advance. No, your relationship does not need to be the focal point of your life. Do you and your partner connect, laugh, enjoy each other's company? Often, choose to bite the marriage. Things are going good and are coming together. If you're not really sure what constitutes "enough" time spent with your SO, relationship educator and founder of Juicebox Sex & Relationship App, Brianna Rader, and life coach Nina Rubin, are here to point out some signs that your partner may not be spending enough time with you. Rader tells Elite Daily that when you and bae have different love languages (if one of you values quality time, while the other values words of affirmation), it may make you feel like you aren't spending enough time together. Working things out and learning each other, etc. Life doesn't always go according to plan: You can't schedule every small surprise, meeting that runs long, or awful train delay. It's all part of growing up. (Even after being in a relationship for over a year, there were times I felt like planning something just a month in advance was too aggressive.) "If one or more people close to you mention that they never seem to see you and your partner together, ask yourself why that is," Dr. Brown says. We all need a little bit of time to ourselves, but it shouldn't feel as though you're the only one in your relationship. Dependency on technology: When parents do not spend enough time with children, the latter might end up spending time on gadgets and online entertainment to escape loneliness. If you feel like you seem more excited to make future plans with your partner than they are with you, try talking to them about it. In fact, it can be a healthy sign that you’re prioritizing yourself as an individual both inside and outside of your relationship. If you are spending too much time together you will end up dependent on each other. I’m not married yet but I do understand that spending time together with your significant other is so important. I had a man before who spent a whole lotta time with me with things in common, but we fought a lot and it just didn't work out. "You'll spend too much time fearing being together," Dr. Brown says. "This could mean being there to celebrate a birthday or showing up for a family event.". Words won't make the difference here; tangible action will. If a breakup occurs, you will soon realize you have no friends or hobbies anymore… He is a very proud person and believes that a man must provide for his loved ones. "People like to feel appreciated rather than nagged! It’s all too easy to fall into a routine in your relationship. Partners need to have time when they can each share what naturally bubbles up from deep within — interests, values, or experiences that are expressions of their true selves. People are busy, I get it. For many relationship problems, the fix is simple but not easy; spend more time together. But when it comes to gossip and rumor, pay the haters no mind. They happen as a result of expectations that are established based on the structure of the relationship. Even with this strong natural craving to want to spend time with one’s partner, research has quite a number of relationships suffer … If you feel like you recognize any of these signs in your own relationship, Rubin advises you "simply invite your partner to do things with you. "But really, you're using this as an excuse to avoid your partner.". We don't live together. Spend too much time together and … "If you used to have date night, but no longer do, it could be a sign that you're spending too much time apart." Use 'I' statements. If the answer is yes, talk to your partner about. You don't make future plans together. First off, asking yourself why you're behaving this way — is something that's happened in your relationship triggered this response? Check in with your new partner. Things are going good and are coming together. But when life gets in the way, if you're not spending enough time with your partner already, the moments you do share start to feel fleeting. Dinner and a movie is nice, but when's the last time you explored a new neighborhood? Some problems in relationships can be tackled as a couple: Not spending enough kid-free time together? Not Spending Enough Time Together? Research has shown that one of the major reasons that most relationships fail is because couples do not give importance to spending enough time together. I don't know about you, but when I start dating someone new, I want to devote every possible moment to getting to know them and learning all the little things about this fun, new person in my life. Identify instances during the week when you and your partner can spend uninterrupted time together. But, how often should 2 people see each other a week. But putting off the doctor's office, much like avoiding your partner, is unhealthy — and will only make the your anxiety worse. If it was up to me, my boyfriend and I would go to every single one of our families' events together, but I understand that's not necessarily reasonable. To combat this issue, address the shift in your relationship dynamic with your partner. Having some alone time is great. Listen to your friends. Prioritizing screen-time over quality time? Special occasions matter. Communication is key after all, right? Like with any tool though it must be used in order to get the job done. Rubin tells Elite Daily. Having different interests and preferred activities isn't a relationship problem — in fact, it's healthy. ", "Depending on your stage in the relationship, this could just look like making plans for the weekend," Rader says. If you both have busy schedules, making plans in advance can be an incredibly important way to prioritize your relationship. ", If you don't feel like you're spending enough time together, "Ask yourself: is it literally not enough quantitative time you're spending together, or is the time not quality, connecting time?" "It's not realistic to be there for every milestone, so it's important to discuss which events are important, so your partner knows when to make the extra effort," Rader explains. If you spend your time together skating around big issues or just in total denial, that's not a healthy relationship. You can trust someone absolutely, and still feel like the relationship's not working the way you prefer in terms of the amount of time you spend together and the amount of information about your lives you share. Spending time with others strengthens your relationship by making you feel connected to the world. "Or worse, you won’t." However, it's important to talk about how you may express your love differently, so the other person is aware. Don’t hope and expect your boyfriend to … "If you are in a long-distance relationship, you may not be able to see your significant other each week," she says, "[so,] you'll want to find uninterrupted time to chat at least weekly.". "You might consistently find yourself promising your partner that you will spend time with your partner," Dr. Brown says. You’re bored. WHAT TO CONSIDER IN EVALUATING IF YOU ARE NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER. But making time for your SO is crucial to making your relationship work. Take the initiative to find a time that works for both of you - cook them love, take them out for an unconventional date night, or if they're tired, order take-out to eat in bed. My partner and I began dating our senior year of college, and both found the transition to adulthood to be anything but seamless. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. Sit down with your partner, and create a list of "neutral" activities that you both enjoy partaking in. Relationship experts have noted that when people get into relationships, especially at the initial stage, they tend to spend a lot of time together planning their days and activities together. This is a good way to gain insight into where your priorities may lie. It's not about the gift, it's about the … We must realize that spending quality time with our spouse is like saving money for a rainy day. Then, pick one weekend a month where you meet each other halfway, by doing a little of what they want to do, and a little what you want to do. I think it might help to separate the trust issue from the spending-time-together issue. If your relationship is showing one of the following signs, don't hesitate to speak with your significant other about how you're both feeling. Working things out and learning each other, etc. Often times people think that the solution to every problem in a relationship is to spend more time together, more closeness. At first, your relationship might feel like fireworks and sparks all the … The second you stop taking their feelings and time into consideration, it's time to re-evaluate. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Take the initiative to find a time that works for both of you - cook them love, take them out for an unconventional date night, or if they're tired, order take-out to eat in bed. not spending enough time with your partner. The best way to see if you are devoting enough time to your relationship is to ask. Once the honeymoon phase is over and the relationship develops into something more serious, however, you and your partner have to figure out what you consider "enough" time spent together, and what you consider too little. Growing up is hard: You're suddenly overloaded with a million responsibilities and answering to too many people — but your partner shouldn't feel like one of them! So listed below are 4 steps to strengthen your marriage and put the fun, excitement and passion back into it. Decide if you can accept your boyfriend as he is, right now. You may need time for yourself to recharge your batteries, but you should also prioritize time together with your partner. Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this! But this quality time cannot exist if there isnâ t any, or much, quantity of time together. Listen to their perspective, and compassionately explain how you have been feeling both when together and apart. As I mentioned above, it's typical to feel like your hectic schedule is keeping you from spending as much time with your partner as you'd like. Start the conversation with your hope, rather than a slam about what your partner is doing wrong. It's perfectly normal to struggle with misaligned schedules and conflicting engagements. If you're surprised by how low your number of hang-outs actually is, do something to change it. If your boyfriend is not making enough time for you, let him know your feelings, needs, and expectations, then look for ways to improve the time you spend together. And if that's not the case, it may be time to re-evaluate the state of your relationship. Not spending enough time together in relationship It’s natural to want to spend a lot of time with someone you are in a relationship with. As a result, the surmounting stress led us to lash out when we actually did get to see each other. Unfortunately, avoidance only makes matters worse. The key is to acknowledge the state of your relationship, and take joint action towards fixing it. OK, so maybe your partner prefers to spend Saturdays getting lost in a museum, while you would rather be sunbathing in the park. Bonus points for varying the places you go and the activities you do. How you want your partner to show you their love depends on your love language. I, too, have fallen victim to poor planning and trudging through life full speed ahead. If this habit is, indeed, unintentional, it may be time to err on the side of caution and stop acting with such spontaneity. It's still something I'm working on. Finding that middle ground can be difficult, but it's up to the two of you to figure it out together. 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